Spondoolix - Web Log

Fox Demon.

2012-01-28T17:14:00.004Z

The eyes of this young fox glare in the flash light, as it tries to go unnoticed, whilst taking a midday snooze on top of the ten foot wall which runs along the side of our garden.
It never moved all day, despite our curious visits. Since then it has not reappeared. Wise to be distrustful!

Jaguar XK120

2011-11-20T19:05:00.005Z

The Jaguar XK series of sports cars, have always seemed to me to epitomise the idea of touring the open road, in the days when the road had space enough to give them a long and speedy run.

XK1 was quite a famous car and belonged to a neighbour of ours in the 1970's. Here it is pictured in the village of Hertford Heath in those days of yore.

Board of Babies.

2011-11-04T11:06:00.004Z

Many labels similar to the one above, can be seen in the back windows of cars on our roads.

What exactly are the words intended to mean?

Seven Billion + 1
Driver may be distracted
Baby is driving
Aren't We Fertile!
Aren't We Infantile
We have not got there yet
Don't Crash the Crèche
Caution - Drool Ahead.
Low flying Teddy Bears
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

No Mean Feet.

2011-10-20T12:26:00.003+01:00

This photograph was taken in what was then Rangoon, Burma in 1972.

If the sign was taken literally, not many people could have entered the temple.

Bath Tiles.

2011-10-17T09:16:00.003+01:00

A rugby match played in Bath. The picture is tiled in deference to the mosaics found in that old Roman spa town. The enlarged view shows more design detail.

Taste Beats Good Manners.

2011-08-30T16:01:00.003+01:00

The landing ship was at sea on a naval exercise. The Captain and the Second Engineer were both late for lunch and were the only people at the top table. Both started with soup and when the Second Engineer was ready for the next course, a steward brought a salver upon which were two pork cutlets.

One was large and succulent; the other was small and burnt along the edges.

Without hesitation, the engineer helped himself to the largest chop.

Moments later the Captain was ready for his meat and he had to accept the remaining dry and wizened offering.

There was silence for a while as both men addressed their food. Then the Captain spoke: -

" I didn't think that was very nice Mr. Owen."

"It is very nice I can assure you Sir," came the reply.

"I mean, that I was surprised that you took the largest chop."

"If you had been in my position, which one would you have taken?" asked the Second.

"The small one of course," growled the Captain.

"Well Sir, that's the one you've got!" relished the engineer, licking his chops in all ways possible.

Summer Snow.

2011-08-16T19:22:00.003+01:00

This is a panorama made up from four photographs stitched together. It depicts the Allalin Mountains in the Swiss Alps. The pictures were taken in July.

If you click the photograph itself, a larger view is displayed.

Gooseberries - Sharp As Ever.

2011-06-14T10:10:00.003+01:00

The warm spring weather has produced an abundant crop of gooseberries. The problem is that nobody in our family seems to like them and even the birds leave them alone. They are sharp as ever on all fronts. Acidic to taste and devils to pick, as the thorns are always out to spear you and draw blood.

We have tried all the usual recipes - Tarts, Fools, Pies, Cakes and Ice Cream. This year it will have to be Jam. We will use it to flavour yogurt. I can't say that I am enthusiastic of this gastronomic experience in prospect, but I am determined not to waste the goosegogs.

Altruism Fuels The Population Explosion.

2011-04-13T14:07:00.005+01:00

Without going into the arguments about whether altruism is desirable or not in human behavior, it is worth reflecting on one of the results that our altruistic trait has produced, namely: significant and dangerous over-population of the globe. With the exception of ourselves, all animal forms have a natural and self regulating cycle of life, one in which it is difficult; and mostly impossible, for poorly supported young or elderly forms to survive. Nature is self regulatory and the result is, that as a long term trend, only a viable and finite population within each species can survive. Not so with human beings. We have adopted altruism and pronounced it to be a good thing in itself, even when this behavior ultimately produces the out of control population increases that we are experiencing now; and which will reach dangerous levels in the not too distant future. Our very consumption of sustainable raw materials is already almost out of control. The welfare state is one an example of the caring side of our nature. Could this ultimately add to the problem and is the system being manipulated by vested interests?

***

One eminent Biologist has this to say: - "I think that most of us believe that the welfare state is highly desirable. But you cannot have an unnatural welfare state, unless you have unnatural birth control, otherwise the end result will be misery even greater than that which obtains in nature. The welfare state is perhaps the greatest altruistic system the animal kingdom has ever known. But any altruistic system is inherently unstable, because it is open to abuse by selfish individuals, ready to exploit it. Individual humans who have more children than they are capable of rearing are probably too ignorant in most cases to be accused of conscious malevolent exploitation. Powerful institutions and leaders who deliberately encourage them to do so seem to me less free from suspicion."

***

Dawkins, Richard. (1976) 'The Selfish Gene.'

Jaguar SS1 in Burma.

2011-02-09T14:10:00.003Z

On a day which marks the 50th anniversary of the unveiling of Jaguar's iconic E Type sports car, I thought that I would hark back to an even earlier sports car of theirs - the SS1

These photographs were taken in Rangoon, Burma, in 1972 and show the car owned by Eric Minus, who was a Burman of Armenian descent. I'm not sure who the original owner was, but Eric told me that during World War II, the car was hidden throughout the Japanese occupation.

By any standards this was a rare car, as only about 200 were produced between 1932 to 1935.

Weighing over a ton, it was a heavy car and this, coupled with the fact of it having only a 2143 cc engine, meant that as new it could only achieve a top speed of about 89 mph. You could say that its looks were faster than the car itself.

The car was already 37 years old by the time that I drove in it, but it was still an impressive auto, especially in Burma, where the Burmese Road to Socialism had not encouraged the proliferation of private cars.

I have often wondered what happened to the car and whether it still travels the dusty roads in Myanmar even today?

Year of the Rabbit.

2011-01-27T10:12:00.016Z

This year Chinese New Year falls on the 3rd of February. If you were born in any of the following years, this is your year. According to the Chinese Zodiac, you are a Rabbit: -

1903, 1915, 1927, 1939 ,1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 2011.

It seems that according to the Zodiac, rabbits are not especially noted for breeding like - well you know, but don't despair, there are plenty of other notable traits:

Modest, sensitive souls who are kind and quick to show mercy.
Clever and hard working in business, whose word is their bond.
Well spoken, talented and usually ambitious.
They do not like a quiet life and are adept at livening situations with humour.
In searching for a partner, may be fickle and insecure, but once fixed, are constant.

As to what the Rabbit year may bring, the predictions are vague, but it looks as though it will be sparse grazing throughout. No surprises there then.

Eat That Frog.

2011-01-23T12:37:00.007Z

A chap that I know has been looking for a way to combat his propensity for procrastination.

I gave him the book "Eat That Frog," which contains simple and useful weapons for such a battle.

He was grateful, but he has not actually opened the book as yet.

Rocks.

2010-11-08T10:58:00.011Z

My neighbour had a pile of small boulders that he wanted to get rid of; so he donated them to us for our rockery.

There were 53 rocks in all and it took my son and I two hours of lifting, carting, grunting and groaning to move them. When we had finished, it is no exaggeration to say that we were on the pooped side of exhaustion.

It made me realize how tiring some other, slightly more ambitious, rock moving projects must have been.

Wall to Wall Foxes.

2010-10-29T19:02:00.018+01:00

The first time I saw a fox mincing along our garden wall, I did not believe my eyes. My surprise was so great, that I considered reducing the strength of my daily gin and tonic - or cutting it out altogether.

Now, this wall is quite high, about twelve feet to be exact. The foxes jump on where the wall is lower, in my neighbour's garden. It is about five feet high at the lowest end. They then walk along the top of the wall , just as nimbly as a cat would and then jump into our patch.

The problem now is, that having made our garden fence secure, in order to keep the badgers from getting in, (see previous post,) the foxes are finding it hard to get out.

There is a lot of digging on both sides of the fence, as the two species try to find their own route. It will be an animal super highway before they have finished.

Wisdom has it that it is never a good idea to do battle with nature, but that seldom deters mankind from enjoining the fray.

Breaking In.

2010-10-24T10:18:00.019+01:00

I like Badgers, I really do, but just about this time each year, they have a group visit to our garden and have a good root around. I then like them a bit less.

I know that they are coming and so have filled up any holes in the fence and put rocks here and there, where I think it may discourage them from entering.

They pick their rainy night carefully and take advantage of the soft, wet soil to dig under the fence. Some of them will barge the wooden fence and invariably manage to break some of the rotten slats near the ground.

Then they are in. They dig a latrine in the herb garden and dutifully fill it with their droppings. They also dig holes all over the lawns as they search for worms, leather jackets or whatever.

My neighbour asks why they come through his garden on the way to mine without doing anything: and why they bother to break in.

It is the old story of "Forbidden Fruits". In this case grapes. Our dump has the last of the discarded fruit from the vine and these are all consumed by the visitors.

Too Late.

2010-08-23T17:20:00.002+01:00

Shy as a girl, it wasn't until her seventies that she finally came out of her shell.

What Price A Hat?

2010-04-03T13:52:00.005+01:00

Requiring a hat, I liked the idea of a hat pedigree, just to encourage me to wear it. The idea behind the hat needed to be of interest. James Lock and Co. was founded in 1676 and they are still selling hats from their shop at 6 St. James's Street in London.

When I asked the sales assistant to give me a reason why I should buy one of their expensive hats, instead of paying 5 clicks at the local market, she did not take the easy route of mentioning past satisfied customers such as: - Nelson, Wellington, Beau Brummell; not to mention numerous members of the Royal Family, past and present, who had been crowned again by Locks; no - she said that her Dad had two pairs and that they were made and wore well, lasted an age and that he loved them.

The pictured hat was given to me for my birthday. When I wear it, I am now part of of a long history of Lock's customers, going back for over 300 years. I suspect that the label cost more than the hat itself, but there you go!

If the hat fits wear it. I do. Underneath it I am the same old lump as ever, but at least I'm covered and I'm satisfied.

A Political Blend.

2010-03-13T08:23:00.003Z

Here in the United Kingdom, the three main political parties have policies which are distressingly similar. We are given a choice of no difference.

The colours representing these three groups are:- Red, Yellow and Blue.

If you mix those three colours together, what do you get?

A murky brown.

That is the colour which truly represents our Parliament.

Gym Slips (7)

2009-12-22T18:43:00.002Z

A small boy was being showered by his father in the changing room today.

"Why is this called Shampoo and not Shampee? It's wet isn't it?" he asked.

"It's just a name," replied his dad.

"Well, I think it's disgusting," said the youngster.

Tarte Tatin.

2009-11-10T15:02:00.004Z

We have the Tatin sisters to thank for this scrumptious upside-down apple pie, which they discovered by accident whilst baking their seasonal daily apple pies, early in the 1900's. The pies were for use in their village inn, deep within the French countryside.

The dish is not visually exciting, but it tastes delicious. It has taken me some fiddling and adjustments to recipes to get the Tarte to turn out well. It has been well worth it!

No Procrastination Allowed

2009-11-03T08:01:00.003Z

Everything cometh to he who waiteth

So long as he who waiteth

Worketh like hell while he waiteth

Gym Slips (6)

2009-09-16T20:01:00.003+01:00

The "Summer Brides" season is just about over at the gym. This is the time when a number of new lady members suddenly arrive on the scene and spend weeks in earnest and persistent exercise, as they tone their figures for their forthcoming weddings.

In some cases they hire the services of a fitness instructor. As these charge about £30 per hour, it gives you some idea how seriously the pursuit of a better shape is taken. As a result of these endeavours, most brides-to-be look far better than when they arrived and in a few cases they appear unrecognisably different.

Then they disappear, presumably to get married and live happily ever after. But just occasionally they reappear. Typically a couple of years will have gone by and a baby has been produced and nurtured. Now the battle begins again. It is hard work to get your figure back when you are an "Autumn Mum." I admire their tenacity.

Gym Slips (5)

2009-09-11T12:50:00.003+01:00

An overweight young chap was exercising in the gym this morning. He does not wear socks and is famous for foot odour. As he squelched his way through 40 minutes of cross trainer motion, his feet emitted little puffs of pong-laden dingleberries. It was like those adverts for sprays of aerosol toilet air fresheners, but with a reverse effect.
I'm not normally fastidious about smells, but this was too prime for me. I just could not stay in the vicinity and everyone else also moved away. The smell of that famous rotting fungus is nothing compared to the sickening stench of his feet.
We would all benefit if he could be told about this. It is not that we are craven cowards, but rather that none of us can get near enough to deliver advice on foot hygiene.

Beetroot Juice.

2009-09-04T09:36:00.001+01:00

We came across this article recently and as one of us was training for the rugby season, he was volunteered to test the stuff. Verdict: Has a strong after-taste. Is like being punished. Makes your pee go pink.

Science Daily (Aug. 7, 2009) — Drinking beetroot juice boosts your stamina and could help you exercise for up to 16% longer. A University of Exeter led-study shows for the first time how the nitrate contained in beetroot juice leads to a reduction in oxygen uptake, making exercise less tiring.

I also tried it and found it not too bad. I have not put my stamina to the test.

Gym Slips (4)

2009-08-22T07:51:00.003+01:00

The maintenance manager at the gym was telling me about his distaste about having to do the annual cleaning of the Jacuzzi pump.

"You would not be able to imagine some of the things we find in there," were his words, said with a grimace.

That night I tried to think just what those things could be. I came up with hair and nail clippings, but was unable to think of more.

I did not sleep well - things - the essence of nightmares.

Victorian Time Piece

2009-08-20T12:33:00.004+01:00

I was reading in "Pickwick Papers" about how Mr. Pickwick flung open his windows in the morning and gazed down from his lodgings at Goswell Street.

The Victorian clock above the fire place struck two and I happened to look at it. To my surprise I saw that it was made by Edwards, Goswell Street, London.

The coincidence reminded me that we are connected to previous generations and that the London of Charles Dickens was in fact, not too long ago.

An Incentive To Work.

2009-08-12T13:15:00.001+01:00

With my wife being away, I thought that I would allow myself a Gin & Tonic, if I completed my designated household chores.

Although this was a successful incentive, I had to give it up.

I was giving myself too much work.

Singapore Curry.

2009-05-29T10:06:00.003+01:00

My wife makes a wonderful curry. She blends and grinds all her own spices. The result is second to none and we constantly request her to make it.
But today it is I who am cooking; and I'm doing a cheat by using a Prima Taste pre-mix. Luckily, the result was completely acceptable and authentically tasty. We had to use all the extra chilli to make it spicy enough for our taste and rather less liquid than the makers recommended. The curry was quick and easy to prepare and was enough to feed four people.
As you can obtain this product in the UK, USA, Canada and Australia; as well as in Asia, I feel that the result merits a free plug.
http://onlinestore.prima.com.sg/onlinestore/details.asp?prid=223

Clear Out The Clowns.

2009-05-17T10:42:00.001+01:00

In recent years, British public respect for Members of Parliament has been extremely low. Mainly, this is because so few of them were able to freely act on behalf of their constituents. Most of them being automations in their party machines.

With the revelations in the current expenses scandal, we find out the extent of their venal self interest in charging the public purse for practically anything you can think of.

What on earth do MP's spend their salary on, for pity's sake!

The electorate are justifiably angry. We must ensure that we stay angry until the next election and have a clear out. If it were possible for us all to vote in a completely new parliament of independent MP's, I wonder what sort of Government would emerge?

Gym Slips (3)

2009-05-09T13:32:00.004+01:00

In the changing room we were trying to match unknown employment to known faces.

We got Commando right and also Accountant.

Our "Architect" was in fact a Doctor; our "Farmer" a Policeman.

For me, they guessed Vicar.

Mild and good hearted?

You just never can tell from a face.

Veeraswamy's.

2009-04-14T16:29:00.002+01:00

Situated in Regent Street, London and founded in 1926, Veeraswamy's is reputed to be the oldest Indian restaurant in England.
I remember taking my Mother there for lunch some forty years ago. The food was good, but the ambiance was basic. I remember bearded Sikh waiters in red turbans and white number ten uniforms.
The restaurant is very swish these days. The fare is imaginative and tasty, but I was staggered by the bill. Cocktails were £8 each, enough to turn one teetotal. London is an expensive place.

James Bond - 007

2009-04-11T08:22:00.002+01:00

Author Ian Fleming used to stay at Dukes Hotel in London. It was in the bar that he discovered the cocktail 'vodka-martini' famously - "Shaken, not stirred."

My son has a theory, that because Dukes is located in St. James's Place, close to Bond Street, these places subconsciously provided the influence for Fleming to name his hero James Bond.

Perhaps he was staying in room 7 at the time.

On The Strut.

2009-03-24T14:10:00.001Z

The only pheasant that we have managed to kill, was knocked over by our car. It provided some very good eating and as road-kill goes, it was a lot easier to prepare than say, hedgehog.
I was surprised to see this cock pheasant strutting round our garden this morning. Unfortunately, I was unable to get our weapon out of the garage and on to the lawn.

Fat Ball and Fat Ball.

2009-03-24T10:23:00.001Z

A Change Of Spirits.

2009-03-24T09:09:00.001Z

Until it got to be so expensive, I used to use gin for after-shave.

These days, I contemplate using after-shave for gin.

More Gold.

2009-03-22T13:49:00.003Z

Love That Niger.

2009-03-21T12:56:00.003Z

Recently there has been a string of letters in the newspapers, about how Goldfinches love Niger seeds. Once they are offered at a feeding site, they are quickly discovered and devoured, ( the seeds that is.)

We did our own test. Goldfinches to not usually visit our offerings, but once Niger seeds were available, it took a pair of Goldfinches only five days to find them.

In some of the reported cases, these birds took only hours to arrive. In any event, the theory is substantiated.

Gym Slips (2).

2009-03-20T13:55:00.002Z

I envy those people who are able to run on a treadmill and listen to music on their iPod at the same time.
Alas, having been subjected to constant media suggestions that males are too stupid to do two things at the same time, or "Multi-Task" as they call it, I have never got round to attempting it.
As I don't have an iPod, the best I can do is walk gently on the track.

Gym Slips (1).

2009-03-17T19:12:00.004Z

Of late, a number of ladies have entered the gents changing room at our gym.

They always say - "Ooops, sorry!" They avow that it was a mistake on their part.

I believe it fair to say, that the men using the changing room, have been slightly more nervous than usual. They look visibly worried each time the door opens.

Last week our oldest member, ( both literally and physically,) took drastic action.

He dropped his towel before an intruder and in a voice that implied a challenge, intoned -

"I bet you've seen a lot worse in your time!"

Space transgressions have dramatically declined.

Wall Repairs.

2009-03-08T17:40:00.001Z

I am unable to pretend that there has been a clamour amongst my readership to find out how we got on with filling the void left by the recently departed wall. But for my own record; and for the sake of completeness, the above photographs depict the result.

A cheaper alternative, as perhaps you can appreciate.

100 Tears Fall.

2009-01-26T16:36:00.001Z

I have just learnt, that because the wall mentioned below, was old, decaying and loosely constructed of stone, bricks and mortar, I will not be able to claim on my insurance policy to rebuild it.

The rebuild price is likely to be steeper that the original height of the wall. The timber garage will also not be covered.

The rain falls and it feels like a black day.

100 Years Wall.

2009-01-21T16:51:00.001Z

For well over 100 years it stood over 12 feet tall, looking down on a garden that changed as the century changed.

To start with the big house had vegetables planted nearby and glass houses all along the wall ,sheltered exotic fruit and vines.

In more recent times the old estate was broken up and the wall looked down on domestic lawns and a timber garage.

During the recent gales, a gust of wind, stronger than 60 knots, signaled its collapse. In just a few seconds some 20 tons of brick and stonework collapsed along a 60 foot length and crushed everything in its path.

Lucky Cows.

2008-12-18T09:46:00.001Z

They didn't know it at the time, but Celandine, Primrose, Daisy and all the other Short-Horn cows who were milked in this cowshed on the farm where I lived as a boy, were standing in a building that was a potential goldmine.

As a residence for human beings, it is on the market this month for £995,000.

Will the eventual buyer be milked?

Holne Chase Hotel

2008-12-03T15:13:00.001Z

Having spent many happy lunches and a wonderful holiday at this peaceful hotel on the edge of Dartmoor, we were profoundly sad to learn, that in early November it was closed.

The hotel went into receivership in May, but the Receivers kept the staff on and the place soldiered on. The guide price was £500,000, but a buyer could not be found and the bank pulled the plug.

It is rumoured that the building may become a private residence.

It lies in a gloriously picturesque spot. We will miss it.

Christmas Cactus.

2008-11-14T16:13:00.001Z

This Christmas Cactus just could not wait until December. It is already in full bloom. It seems to be following the general trend of being on display from November onwards.

By December it will be a tired, droopy parody of festive cheer.

Feeble but Famous.

2008-10-30T17:43:00.001Z

They had..."simply discovered the trick used with great effectiveness by certain comedians, talk-show hosts and punk-rock musicians: people of modest talent can attract the attention of the media, at least for a while, by being unrelentingly offensive."

Pinker, Steven. 1994. 'The Language Instinct.'

Sluggish Mail Service.

2008-10-14T13:55:00.001+01:00

I met my postman at 9am in town this morning. He had just started his round.

We won't meet again until he delivers my mail at about 12:45.

In the days before they "improved" the postal service, we used to receive all our mail before 7am.

So much for progress.

Olympic Ceremonies.

2008-08-11T08:33:00.001+01:00

The opening ceremony in China was indeed spectacular. Thousands of toned youths performing in perfect unison. Colour, style and lavish entertainment. A pyrotechnic extravaganza and a huge stadium of unique design.

But the world has seen nothing yet. Just wait for the opening ceremony for the Olympics in Britain.

The world will be staggered to watch a myriad of obese young people wobbling around in an unfinished stadium and waving, with no discernable coordination, flags and sparklers.

It will not be a hard act to follow.

Changing Appearances.

2008-08-09T08:17:00.002+01:00

This is a picture of me and as you can see, I am so good looking that nothing can be done to improve me. I know however, that lesser mortals resort to using cosmetics to make themselves look younger.
Now it seems that a cosmetics company may be fined for changing a person's appearance.
The case in question is one of making darker lighter, but it could equally be applicable to making older younger.
What a picky place the world has become.

Live Writer

2008-08-08T16:40:00.001+01:00

I'm afraid this is going to be a very dull post. I am only testing the link to see whether Windows Live Writer will get this post to my blog.

My chicken's have come home to roost. There are interesting possibilities with this program.

Unwise Interference.

2008-08-02T13:44:00.001+01:00

I intervened in the natural order of things this morning and the result was not a happy one.
A young blackbird, only days out of the nest, was attacked by a female sparrow hawk in my presence. I ran at them to try to scare off the attacker, but I was too late, the fledgling's neck had been broken.
The hawk flew away and did not return. The body, a meal in waiting, lay there in the grass unused, a wasted resource. The sparrow hawk would have to kill again to feed. The balance of nature had been disturbed and there was no benefit.

Amun-Re in Fur.

2008-04-24T10:50:00.002+01:00

Blue Sphinx.

2008-04-18T15:38:00.002+01:00

Spring Fly.

2008-03-01T19:25:00.002Z

What the blazes....?!

2008-02-08T19:39:00.000Z

This afternoon, our neighbours were having a bonfire. They have been persistent in having them, despite complaints from other neighbours and being contacted by the District Council.
I overcame my British reticence to complain and mounted a ladder on our wall, to take issue with the producer of this loathsome pall of smoke. I half expected to come face to face with some partially educated oik, but what I found, was an obviously educated middle aged lady, who was determined to have a bonfire rather than make the requisite number of trips to the tip. I made my feelings clear in as polite manner as possible; and returned to my smoke filled abode.
If people like that lady, can be so self interested, completely disregarding the effect of their actions on others, then there is no hope for British society in general. It is doomed to return to more primitive levels of behavior; not that levels are particularly sophisticated even now.

A Shriek In The Night.

2008-01-29T12:31:00.000Z

It it not often these days that we hear the shriek of a Barn Owl here in Exmouth. Their population total is down to about 3000 for the whole of Britain. These birds had a disastrous breeding season last year, when a cold, wet spring reduced the rodent supply in their food chain. I was glad to hear one early this morning. A rare scare.

Pictures Of Women.

2008-01-16T17:07:00.000Z

"Men's" magazines are full of pictures of women.

"Women's" magazines are full of pictures of women.

Therein lies the difference.

Reflective Old Age.

2008-01-13T15:41:00.000Z

A LIFE WELL LIVED: Being old is not an illness or something to be feared but a wonderful period for reflection and self-discovery. Life just assumes new priorities. Often we find we no longer have much in common with people from our past. It’s not sad or depressing, simply part of life’s natural rhythm.

Young people see old age through their own prism. Old people may be alone but most of us are far from lonely. A life well lived with memories and experience is comfortably supporting. The fear of loneliness belongs to the younger generation.

John Frizell, Northallerton, North Yorkshire .
(Sunday Times 13 January 2008.)

Shoes In The Changing Room.

2008-01-12T15:28:00.000Z

As a completely uncertified student of primates in their human form, I have been studying the correlation between age and how you place your shoes in the gym changing room. So far I have only been allowed my field study in the men's changing room, so my findings are inconclusive.

For the sake of brevity; and because this is a blog and your eyes are already glazing, this is an outline of my findings: -

Age: 5-10 Will kick shoes off and leave where they fall. May be collected by attendant adult, but don't count on it.
Age: 10-15 Generally wear trainers of the less than exclusive kind, if their parents can get away with it. Left untidily on the floor in no particular order.
Age: 16-25 Now seem to use more expensive trainers. Perhaps this explains why they are often placed with care on the bench seats, despite notices not to do so. Some still use trainers with Velcro fasteners, but this is not definite proof that they still have not learnt to tie laces.
Age: 26-50 The trend now moves to working shoes. Leathers for office and Camel Style boots for the outdoor trades. These are back on the floor, but not tidy.
Age: 50-70 Still use office shoes if they are not worn out. Otherwise; deck shoes, sandals or loafers. These are placed neatly and primly together under the bench.
Age: 70+ Back to kick off and leave. They don't call it "second childhood" without reason.

Let's face it with a study like this, I should be certified.

Postal Delays.

2008-01-03T08:16:00.000Z

This made me angry today:
The parcel office stated on a card they left in my letter box, that they opened at 07:00.
When I went there at that time, a hand written note on the door said - "Open at 8 am".
When postal workers are not on strike, they are often not at work.

All through the night.

2007-12-31T18:50:00.000Z

All through the night, I thought I heard voices talking. I wondered what the neighbours could be doing, talking so loudly for so long. Do some people never sleep?
In the morning I discovered that my dear wife had left the television on all night.

Jury Duty.

2007-11-28T12:47:00.000Z

My brother once told me, that whenever a jury retired to meet for the first time at a trial, the first person to speak by saying something like, "Who will be foreman of the jury?", would be elected foreman of the jury.

This was because most people would not like the job and would therefore select the first speaker for having shown at least some interest and initiative.

When I was selected for jury duty, I was determined to disprove this theory. When we first adjourned to the jury room, I indicated a fellow juror and said, "I think that this good lady would make an excellent foreman of the jury." Everyone agreed . She was pleased. I was pleased.

Fortune Unfound.

2007-11-05T16:27:00.000Z

In 1925 my Father posed in front of a portrait of his Great Grandfather, before going to seek his fortune in New Zealand.

He was just seventeen years of age when he boarded the S.S. "Rimutaka" for the trip via Panama to Auckland. His Journal reveals that he wanted to buy a farm and become a millionaire.

Alas, New Zealand in the time of the Great Depression, was not a place in which it was easy to make a fortune. After some 13 years of toil as a stockman on a sheep farm, my Father returned to the United Kingdom and started again as a student at an agricultural college. The adventure was achieved, but his health was damaged and he never spoke of those days down south.

Water Mushroom.

2007-10-19T14:32:00.000+01:00

Mummification.

2007-09-28T14:58:00.000+01:00

In her work at the hospital, my wife sometimes has the job of laying out and dressing the dead.

She is philosophical about what is an unpleasant duty. She takes it all in her stride.

However, at home things have taken an uncomfortable turn. If I spend too much time inert and inactive on the couch, I am in danger of being wrapped up in bandages.

Pecking Order

2007-09-26T17:01:00.000+01:00

In the days when an earth closet in the backyard shed, served as a toilet, my Grandfather complained privately to my Grandmother, that when he had sat down to accomplish large affairs, he had experienced a pain in the scrotum.
No other members of this family, consisting of women and a young man, had a similar experience.
In due course, it was discovered that a hen had made a nest on a ledge behind the thunderbox. Grandfather, suffering the effects of age and gravity, was the only one to fall within the range of the sitting bird.

Humans are Inhumane.

2007-09-16T16:33:00.000+01:00

Human vanity has led us believe, that when one person kills another, it is something alien to our nature. We have therefore coined the word "Inhumane" to suggest that this unpleasant act, is but a social aberration.
However, when we scan the history of mankind from the earliest known beginnings until today,
we can see clearly, that humans have always killed one another in large numbers; and that they continue to do so.
It would appear that is actually inhumane not to kill other people. The dictionary reference should be amended.

Fox-Cat-Spat

2007-09-14T12:45:00.000+01:00

Last night I saw a young fox cub minding it's own business and eating our windfall apples.
While it was doing this, it was suddenly attacked by the Ginger Tom from next door,
The fox did not retaliate, but moved to another tree to eat some more apples.
The cat took off across the wall. It was a strange interlude.

Ghosts.

2007-08-18T11:12:00.001+01:00

Have you noticed that most reports of ghosts describe distinctly old historical characters?
Presumably, modern ghosts are still in the making.
A headless horseman is one thing; a headless Ford Mondeo driver is quite another.

Dream.

2007-08-14T07:40:00.000+01:00

In the dream I was in China and had been arrested by the Red Guards.
They told me that they would put me in a cable car and transport me up into the mountains, before dropping me into a gorge.
I asked to telephone my wife to advise her of my final departure. They agreed.
I made the contact and told my wife that I would not be coming home - ever.
She said " You have to come home, because there is a strange man in the house."
"Great," I thought, "I'm not even dead yet and already there is another man at home."
"Who is that man?" I demanded.
"Michael Jackson," came the reply.
I woke up with a start.

Wandering Minstrels .

2007-06-10T11:44:00.000+01:00

Being a dour recluse by nature, I am always uneasy about being serenaded by singers who want to entertain you at your table as you dine.

Often they will ask you to suggest a song for them to perform.

I usually ask for "Old MacDonald had a farm". They undoubtedly know it, but they are generally reluctant to sing it.

Result - they move quickly to another table and relative peace returns.

About Rare Birds

2007-06-06T15:57:00.000+01:00

For someone who until a few years ago, believed that all small birds were "baby" birds, my wife has been extremely fortunate in having observed some rare species in the wild.

She once told me that she has seen an Osprey snatch a fish from the river Dart. I didn't believe her, so she showed me it and darn me she was right.

Yesterday she saw a rare Great Grey Shrike in our garden.

I just wish I could see some rare'uns.

The Spirit of Flowers.

2007-05-14T16:02:00.000+01:00

I was supposed to be in the garden weeding the flowers.

Instead I sat on a wall and downed a dry-martini.

Daffmetalic.

2007-05-08T13:19:00.000+01:00

Song Thrush Saga.

2007-04-20T19:54:00.000+01:00

Last year a male Song Thrush came to our garden. It sang for two days and then it was attacked and eaten by a Sparrow Hawk. For the rest of the year we did not see another in our locality.

This year another has been singing in the tree-tops for the last twelve days. It sounds desperate to find a mate, but a female Song Thrush has yet to be seen.

All that singing must be hard work. It is vital that it succeeds. With hardly a break to feed, it pours out loud liquid music and searches the sky in vain.

A Rubbish Decision.

2007-04-17T06:40:00.000+01:00

In Singapore our garbage was collected daily. Result - Not much litter, no bad smells, control of vermin and insects and a clean, tidy city in which to live.

Monday morning in Exmouth, before our once-a-week garbage collection. Bins are overflowing. Refuse sacks have been opened by seagulls and foxes. Litter is everywhere and wastepaper drifts like "tumbleweed" on the wind. Britain is grubby and unclean. Our standards are low.

Fear not - plans are afoot. The Local Authority, (with Government connivance,) are considering reducing the collection of garbage to once every two weeks. This is despite the fact that Council Tax has been raised again to cover the cost of services. We lack the political will to organize things efficiently, but we like to shout "Progress!" while we retrogress.

Home Made Sushi

2007-04-16T07:42:00.000+01:00

Our home catering department has come up with some adventurous dishes over the years. They have trumped themselves this week by making some marvelous sushi. The taste was really authentic. Many thanks for the memory!

A Post Box Post.

2007-03-24T13:39:00.000Z

In 1965, John's Dad made and installed our old post box, ( background left.)

Today, some 42 years later, his son has erected it's replacement.

The old box has lasted well, but now leaks and the legs have given way - much like yours truly in fact!

A Well Reasoned Warning.

2007-03-19T10:55:00.000Z

The Daily Telegraph - 19 March 2007.
University scheme undermines family values and freedom

Sir -The allocation of higher education opportunities on the basis of class is exactly the policy which obtained under Soviet communism (Comment, March 17). It is a spite-filled measure which strikes at the very heart of the family and at the individual's desire to do the best they can for themselves and their own.
It transfers enormous power from the family and individuals to the state, since it is the state rather than individual achievement which will be the arbiter of who should get a university place.
It also supports the case made by the Soviet dissident Vladimir Bukovsky that the European Union - and Britain within it - is in many important respects a version of the Soviet Union.
In Britain, the removal of effective political power from Parliament to a faceless and unelected bureaucracy in Brussels; the vast and continuing increase in the scope and intrusiveness of the state in the minutiae of our lives from the earliest age; the proliferation of laws calculated to gag freedom of speech; the witch-hunts against dissenting political voices in public life and the universities and the use of the state broadcasting system, the BBC, as a means to further these developments, make this proposition ever harder to deny.
Slowly but surely, measure by measure, we are losing our right to call ourselves free people.
Colin Broughton, Epping, Essex

Nostalgia

2007-03-15T15:04:00.000Z

Nostalgia made me buy a bottle of "Bay Rum" hair tonic recently. Not nostalgia for hair, (as my wife cruelly hinted,) but for the spicy fragrance of the traditional Indian barbers saloon in Jalan Kayu - Singapore, many moons ago.
I was surprised to note that the bottle had an expiry date printed on it. You would have to be pretty far gone to drink that stuff.

Tubular Faces.

2007-02-14T09:06:00.000Z

Learning Mandarin - The Times Newspaper

2007-02-12T17:04:00.000Z

Letter 11 February 2007: -

As an English chap who studied Mandarin for two years at Nanyang University, Singapore, back in the 1970's, I believe that to speak Mandarin is not as difficult as we tend to imagine. Reading and writing, are, of course, much harder.
I once told a Chinese friend, that there was no point in me learning Mandarin, as so many Chinese people spoke such excellent English.
He replied, "It will help you to be accepted and Chinese businessmen will trust you more than trusting other Chinese. They know that you can't be as smart!"

Chinese Year of the Pig

2007-02-11T08:27:00.000Z

Chinese New Year of the Pig falls on the 18th February.

If you were born in any of these years, you are a porker:-

1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995.

As a pig you have some great traits. Supposedly, those born in such a year are loyal, honest and tolerant. Pigs make great friends and unlike those portrayed in "Animal Farm," they will often sacrifice their own interests for the benefit of society at large.

Unfortunately, because they are idealistic and naive, Pigs are often duped, as people take advantage of their trusting nature. This does not deter the Pig. They are steadfast and continue to walk down the path of righteousness. They are rather stubborn by nature.

Pig people are great readers and they love to grub up knowledge and facts. In like minded company, they can talk happily for hours.

Pigs are compatible with those born in the years of Rabbit and Sheep.

Sinister Group

2007-01-23T10:19:00.000Z

A nether class that we need to monitor - those people who watch "Big Brother"

Talk is dangerous

2007-01-12T13:49:00.000Z

If you like company and love to talk, you have to watch your words, in case your tongue gets you into trouble when you least intended it to. People are so easily offended.

If you don't mix much and seldom talk, you can still get into trouble, because people will infer that you are too stand-offish and proud.

It is important to think before speaking. The sages advise: -

"Mischief all comes from much opening of the mouth."

It's a new one....

2006-12-31T17:16:00.000Z

.....and it's for all of us.

Let us hope that we make better use of it. Time is a wasting and all that stuff.

Cooking Advice

2006-12-22T17:23:00.000Z

Now they tell you not to stuff it ....so stuff it!

(From one who was thinking of cooking at Christmas)

Navigation

2006-12-21T09:25:00.000Z

My nephew Ian used a Satnav plugged into the fag lighter of his car and within three minutes had the entire route plan for his journey from Oxford to somewhere in remote Slovenia.

And to think that in my lifetime, I had to navigate ships, ( with only partial accuracy,) across the oceans using a vernier sextant.

Now that's ancient!

Gift Express

2006-12-09T19:05:00.000Z

Listening in

2006-12-03T15:23:00.000Z

I was on a bus in Yantai, in the province of Shandong, China. Two middle aged matrons sat opposite me. They were holding a conversation in their normal everyday tones - loud enough to be heard from one paddy field to another.

"I can't believe how ugly that foreign devil is!" said one.

"Such a big nose", rejoined the other. "Foreigners smell bad too, it's all that milk they drink".

I looked about the bus, but I was the only foreigner on it.

My conversational Mandarin is reasonable. As I left the bus I said, "Beautiful younger sisters, have a peaceful journey".

Two mouths fell open, but not a word was spoken.

Accepted without question

2006-12-01T17:00:00.000Z

Some exercise machines at the gym ask you to key in your age. They are none judgmental. When I enter 25, they just accept it without the blink of a neon light.

Unfortunately, the program that they then pump out, is more than my pensioner body can cope with.

Luckily I know that the big red button means "stop".

Post - it matters.

2006-11-22T08:23:00.000Z

As sure as night follows day, Christmas follows a postal strike.

The EU is marching to Trotsky's tune

2006-11-21T10:07:00.000Z

In an interview given on the 30th October 1917, Leon Trotsky, one of the architects of the Communist Revolution in Russia, called for the formation of a Federated Republic of Europe. He envisaged the abolition of national frontiers and control of the conglomerate by the proletariat.

"Only a Federated Republic of Europe can give peace to the world," he surmised.

That revolution might have been born of injustice and need, but the intervening years have shown us that idealism and bureaucracy, have not provided a stable platform for governance. In particular, inefficiency, corruption and the lack of personal freedom, helped sound the death knell for the Soviet Union.

"Europe for peace," has a wonderful sound, but the reality was not wonderful to people persecuted in the Soviet states. Eventually the whole system was so unworkable, that it collapsed.

Today, despite all that we have seen, Europe is still intent on following the same type of socialist experiment. As animals, human beings prefer to be managed by local tribal leaders. They want to exercise a degree of control and to be able to replace leaders who are out of touch with community wishes. It is likely that the EU will fail eventually, but we are in for a long period of control by the unelected until then.

Talking about it.

2006-11-02T13:06:00.000Z

People in the UK invariably start a conversation upon first meeting, with a comment about the weather. It is a trial, to test the ground as to whether further conversation will be permitted.

This habit is deeply ingrained. This week I have been testing myself to see if I could open by talking about something else.

I tried the Chinese opening - " Have you eaten yet?" The recipient of this greeting looked frankly perplexed, (even though I said it in English).

For the rest of the week, I found myself talking about the weather, even though I didn't intend to.

Have a nice dinner!

Old Pavilion - New Coat

2006-10-31T15:47:00.000Z

Glastonbury Tor plus One

2006-10-14T12:54:00.000+01:00

Lucky Coin

2006-08-24T08:16:00.000+01:00

George "Beau" Brummell, for a long time the arbiter of fashion in Regency London, believed that the loss of his lucky coin occasioned his subsequent bad luck.

His gambling debts became so vast, that he had to flee to France in order to escape his creditors. Things were never rumptitum for him again. He died in poverty in 1840 aged 61.

It would be interesting to know if anyone found his coin and whether it still exists. If it does, does the current owner enjoy good fortune?

A Mouldering Thought

2006-08-23T15:09:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine is 87 years old, but does not look a day over 70 now that he has had a knee replacement; and has lost 24 pounds in weight.

Seeing him so sprightly prompted me to wonder how I would look at his age. If I am in the grave, I might be a pile of ash or something rotten.

Past Genes - Still Present

2006-06-22T08:20:00.000+01:00

Still Alive.

2006-04-22T15:44:00.000+01:00

A few years ago I was standing behind a smart looking elderly lady in a queue at the Post Office. I gave her a cheery greeting. This was a mistake, as it opened the door for a conversation. She told me a long and rambling story about how her son and daughter-in-law were out to kill her. Poison was the method they had chosen.

This week I saw her again in town. I overheard her telling someone that her family were trying to poison her. I suspect that she is deluded. Either that, or the poison is extremely weak.