Signs Of Old Age.

You know that you are getting there when: -

• Bending down to tie your shoe laces, is one of the harder exercises in your workout routine.
• You have forgotten the word for that medical condition where you forget things.
• Statins are one of your five a day; and the other four are also medications. 
• You are of an age to be positively sure that the word niggardly has absolutely nothing to do with racial stereotypes.   
• You equate gay with being happy.
• Feeding the birds is your major social activity.
• You are afraid to visit your Doctor in case he finds something.
• You can't complain about life, but you do.
• Even doing mild exercise, you sound like someone giving birth and not delivering.
• Your wife calls you Dad in the family context and people assume she actually is your daughter.
• It is your belief that even your kids have more sense than the politicians.
• You get quite tiddly after half a glass of lager. 
• The combination of jowls and a turkey neck gives you a face a Shar Pei dog would be proud of.
• Flabby lips mean that you drool at night and can't whistle by day.
• You can only cope with porridge for breakfast and even that seems to be too crunchy. 
• It takes you so long to have a pee, that by the time you have finished, you are ready for another one.
• The memory hard drive in your brain, is so full that it takes you a long while to process things.
• Your core values and cherished beliefs, are now so contentious, that you are afraid to mention them.
• If you buy a new pair of shoes, you suspect that they may last you a lifetime.
• You know that you are going, but can't believe that you will.