Toilet Delivery.

If you are expecting a mail delivery which never seems to arrive, the sure-fire solution is, to get yourself into a toilet, lock the door, sit down and start some serious bowel evacuation.

 

Invariably the mail will arrive just as you are most inconvenienced. Problem sorted. 

You will have to be quick though, especially if the delivery needs to be signed for. Don't worry, the postman is probably used to seeing recipients rush to the door with partially girded loins and not exactly smelling of roses.