Monday 10 August 2015

Signs Of Old Age.

You know that you are getting there when: -

  • Bending down to tie your shoe laces, is one of the harder exercises in your workout routine.
  • You have forgotten the word for that medical condition where you forget things.
  • Statins are one of your five a day; and the other four are also medications. 
  • You are of an age to be positively sure that the word niggardly has absolutely nothing to do with racial stereotypes.   
  • You equate gay with being happy.
  • Feeding the birds is your major social activity.
  • You are afraid to visit your Doctor in case he finds something.
  • You can't complain about life, but you do.
  • Even doing mild exercise, you sound like someone giving birth and not delivering.
  • Your wife calls you Dad in the family context and people assume she actually is your daughter.
  • It is your belief that even your kids have more sense than the politicians.
  • You get quite tiddly after half a glass of lager. 
  • The combination of jowls and a turkey neck gives you a face a Shar Pei dog would be proud of.
  • Flabby lips mean that you drool at night and can't whistle by day.
  • You can only cope with porridge for breakfast and even that seems to be too crunchy. 
  • It takes you so long to have a pee, that by the time you have finished, you are ready for another one.
  • The memory hard drive in your brain, is so full that it takes you a long while to process things.
  • Your core values and cherished beliefs, are now so contentious, that you are afraid to mention them.
  • If you buy a new pair of shoes, you suspect that they may last you a lifetime.
  • You know that you are going, but can't believe that you will.